Sandi

Yesterday morning Sandi Vanderpool passed away. I know that this prolly means nothing to most of you but it means everything to more people than I can count. Sandi is not just an ordinary person. She was a health teacher at my high school for 20 years and before that was a math teacher (she loved algebra, because they were little puzzles). She impacted so many lives and would help anyone who came to her. In our journals she would always sign it Vandi, her alter-ego. I never kept one though.. I was too paranoid of someone reading it and finding out my secrets. Instead id just go to her room a lot and just talk about stuff and everything that was going on in my life. Even if she was busy she would stop what she was doing to make sure I was ok and could go to class. If not some days id just hang around her room hiding from teachers.. I miss those days. Im sure if you can hear what people have been saying that youve heard this all before. But Sandi, you were priceless and I dont think any of us will ever find another person like you. I hope to one day be like you, to have even impacted a fraction of the lives that you have and to have so much love in my life.

Sandi, i am sorry that i will not be there tomorrow for your funeral. Im still kinda being stuborn and telling myself that nothing has changed and that your still here. I know thats not true though, your not.. and it kills me to think that thought. Im not sure why only my right eye tears, its kinda my stupid eye. Then again maybe it is my smart eye. It can feel the pain and let the emotion out while the other cant. Kinda like my personality. I know youve always told me that there was nothing wrong with me even though I was convinced something was or maybe is. I still dont feel emotion how others do and I cant deal with it well either. But as I am typing this.. maybe I am just human, and im a different kind. I wish i was less of a realist I want to be more like you, an optimist. I have to make a confession.. In all honesty, I could have made it home for tomorrow, but i know youd call me a dumbass for missing important classes cause of you. Really though, your worth it. I love you and i promise i will see you soon this summer so we can talk.... or rather so i can ramble and you just listen, laughing at me as i answer my own questions. Thats how it usually goes atleast with us. Ima miss you more than I can even say, but ill show you one day. Please consider this my first "real" journal entry, a gift to you.

I love you Sandi, always and forever.

~Hana